Who's Comin' With Me?

By Nathan Rodriguez

I think I'm going to be moving to Canada within the next year or so.

Some of that probably is based on my innate desire as a Hispanic to migrate to the north.

But seriously – if McCain wins in November, I don't think I can handle another four years of GOP rule. I'm utterly sick of the transparent bullshit.

If the way McCain has run his campaign is any indication of how he'll head his administration, we're fucking doomed. The man hasn't held a press conference in 40 days, while Palin has managed to avoid any questions — outside of Chucky Gibson and Fanboy Hannity — for almost four weeks. If she can't handle a press conference, she has absolutely zero business in the Oval Office. What we can judge her by, then, are her actions...and those are a little suspect, in refusing to release about 1,100 emails regarding the Trooper probe. Didn't we just go through this executive privilege claptrap a couple years ago with the whole Rove / Libby debacle?

It's astonishing and disheartening to think that John McCain, who just eight years ago, may have been a decent nominee for president, has turned into someone who will do or say damn near anything to get elected. It speaks volumes that the harshest interview he's faced has come from those geriatric vultures on The View. Say what you will about Obama, at least he faced (and ran circles around) Bill O'Reilly. Think there's any chance someone like Keith Olbermann could get within 50 feet of McPain?

Even more staggering is that we could have half the voting public honestly believe McCain knows his stuff better than Obama. Forget about that whole Iraq-Pakistan border gaffe — he just instinctively KNOWS foreign policy! Forget that McCain's top advisors have links to the embattled mortgage giants, or that he claimed to "not know as much" as he should about the economy — Obama's gonna raise your taxes!

But the real reason I'm so opposed to the idea of a McCain presidency is that he will be the oldest president elected to office. He has battled skin cancer four times, and both his father and grandfather died at a younger age than he is now.

This means one thing: President Palin.

This is a person who thinks drilling for oil is a "mission from God." She is redefining "Christian" to only mean "born again Christian." Her answers to Gibson's softballs on foreign policy were as shallow as a puddle of puppy pee.

I even endured part of Hannity's interview — a glorified suck and fuck — and she still kept uttering the same canned horseshit that makes you wonder if she even knows what the hell's coming out of her mouth. I swear, if she says "stringent oversight," or "change business as usual," once more, I'm heading straight for the goddamn border.

When she actually does get into specifics, she contradicts herself in such a way that even the most unseasoned high school open debater would call her on it: "I'm in favor of economic regulations," followed by a "Oh yeah, and I want to get government out of our lives."

Come again?

The absolute disrespect by the McCain campaign for our intelligence as sentient fucking beings is unconscionable.

They've tried to brand him as the candidate of "real" change, and say they're going to "clean up Washington," when homeboy has spent the last three decades in the corridors of D.C.

Maybe it's just me, but it doesn't feel like change when one party has held an advantage on the Supreme Court, has had a rubber-stamp Congress for the better part of eight years, and the O.G. Maverick, Bush, occupying the White House, with whom McCain has sided more than 90 percent of the time.

And the worst part is, their plan is working. They may just be able to keep this shallow enough that a good chunk of Middle America will once again fall for the same scare tactics and vote against their own interests, and wonder what the hell happened four years from now.

If that's the case, I'll probably be somewhere in Canada...or maybe a little island off the Florida coast (not Cuba).

I've put up with enough lies, enough deception, and enough double-speak for an entire lifetime. Obama may not bring the full change he so eloquently talks about, but I for one am ready for a president who doesn't embarrass me when he speaks, and one who actually talks to me like an adult.

And I'm starting to doubt that will happen anytime soon in this country because whether we're failing as concerned citizens or as journalists, it may be that on the whole, we're a hell of a lot dumber than Obama gives us credit for...so maybe we deserve McCain after all.

All I know is that my landlord should be watching TV on November 4.